What men and women really need in their relationship?

Have you ever seen this scene before?

A woman holds her flip-flop and beats a running cockroach desperately, leaving her man waiting behind her back.  The woman has a look of bravery on her face and the man is finding somewhere to hide himself…

Given a casual statistic among the people we have known in Hong Kong, there are 4 out of 5 women who have the above experience.  Perhaps it is a local and unique situation we are not sure.  What we are sure of is that women keep claiming that their male counterparts are unable to protect them.  Men, on the contrary, claim that their female counterparts are too strong and hurting their self-esteem.

Actually, what do men and women really need in their relationship?  In this article, we are going to give you some suggestions.

What is women’s top 3 hatred for men?

Women hate men’s “3 UN”:

  • Feeling of being unseen
  • Feeling that they are not understood
  • Feeling unsafe

Solutions to men:

  • Give women attention, ALWAYS!
  • Give women real presence, ALWAYS!
  • Give women reassurance, ALWAYS!

Let’s further elaborate on the solutions of “3 UN”.


For example, if you are a man and you are with your lover, please do not read your mobile phone before you get “permission” from her.  “Permission” does not mean a “yes” explicitly spoken from her mouth, it is a subtle reaction or body language from her.  Say, she begins to engage in something (like surfing on the net or reading mobile) and starts to get busy with it.  You can do your own things from this moment.  However, you should be alert when she needs your attention back.  When you notice that, you simply need to touch her hand, give her a kiss or hug.  These are tiny signals which show your attention goes back to her again.

The above is only an example and it can apply to all situations when men are being with their women.  Attention is like an ever-lasting exchange of signals between men and women.  All women think they are the most important person of their lovers that is why they demand full attention from their male counterparts.  For those mature and sophisticated women, they feel that this is a kind of etiquette and respect.

Real presence

Nowadays women are independent enough in meeting different challenges.  However, they expect their male counterparts to accompany them when they are in need.   We are all busy bees in nowadays world, lovers are not being able to get together all the time.  When a man is being with a woman, she will expect he is both physically and psychologically engaged with her, i.e. real presence.

Imagine your woman feels sick and you are free enough to take her to visit a doctor.  When you both waiting at the clinic, you keep replying to WhatsApp messages with your mobile.  She will feel you are only physically being with her but your heart goes to your own business.  This is a real absence or a real absent-mind of you, from her point of view.  Men, please make sure both your body and heart are synchronized and they are with your women when you are with your lovers.


We know that all new iPhone comes with one year warranty for free repair and maintenance service.  This is assured by Apple Inc., right?  Women need continuous support and affirmations from someone they mostly care about.  They are smart enough to know what and why they are doing in their hands.  Women expect their men to act as their coach to reassure their way of decision-making and actions taking, to give them support and feedback.

Now it is the turn for Men.

Men hate women’s “3 C”:

  • Feeling being criticized
  • Feeling closed
  • Feeling being controlled

Solutions to these “3 UN”:

  • Admire and appreciate their men!
  • Be open and playful to their men!
  • Give freedom and love to their men!

Admiration and Appreciation 

It is interesting that men need more from women than women do!  But what they need is not always!  Some of our male friends admit that they are really simple and naïve animals.  They will smug if their female counterparts tell them, “You are so strong and smart!”, “You are the only one who can save me from this planet!”.  It does not matter whether it is true or not!  A simple flattering speech can ignite men’s self-esteem and drive them crazy.

Openness and Playfulness

An attractive character with a sense of humor, aligned beliefs and values, and so forth are elements for a good and steady relationship.  However, a passionate relationship only comes from a variety of appeals and interests.

Openness here means being creative and open to new ideas.  Men love women to give them new stimulus and variance.  Their female counterparts can surprise them by changing of image or dressing code (e.g. a complete change of underwear style).  Men also love playful behaviors from their lovers.  They will definitely melt away if their women tell goofy jokes to them, tease them lightly and get in a tickle fight with them.

Freedom and Love

If a man tells a woman that he is going to watch a football match with friends at night, what he expects is a reply like this, “Great, please enjoy your time with your friends!” , but not “Oh why leave me alone?!” or “I will go with you!”.  Men love women to give them freedom but not a tail that is put on them.  They also expect their female counterparts to show the latter’s love by setting them free, both physically and mentally.


In short, a long-lasting relationship constitutes 3 main elements: love, trust, and help.  Both males and females have to keep lifetime learning and reinforcement if they really want to maintain a passionate relationship.   Imagine a man and woman always treat each other in the way like their beginning of love story, will they break up easily?

The Destiny Team