5 Small Habits to be Happy NOW
With the New Year just around the corner we are often focusing on one of two things:
- What we want to accomplish next year a.k.a. New Year’s Resolutions
- Where we failed, fell short, or didn’t accomplish in the past year
We live in a society that is driven by goals and outcomes. So our brains spends a lot of time working out how to get our goals met because we think this is when we can feel happiness.
We attach the concept of happiness to a reached goal. We lose sight of all the beautiful things that happen on the journey.
When we take up our mental space on future and past that means that we miss out on everything that is happening right now. We fail to be present.
Being present allows us to switch from autopilot mode and pay attention to what is happening around us right now. Notice our behavior and habits that make up who we are.
James Clear, the bestselling author of Atomic Habits, highlights how instead of needing better goals what we need are better systems. By systems, I mean the collection of small habits you have in place in your day-to-day life.
Let’s look at some small habits you can add to your routine that can bring you happiness right now:
- Practice Gratitude. Write down 3 things that you feel thankful for. It could be big things like the fact your family is healthy or small things like a delicious cup of coffee. Choose a time in the day that nicely fits your schedule. The beginning of the day or before bed is a very beneficial time to do it. It will help us count our blessings and realize we have many reasons to be happy right now.
- Breathe Deeply. When you feel overwhelmed by emotions such as anxiety, stress, or sadness. Take a moment and take a deep breath. Breathe in for a count of 4, hold for 7 and breathe out for 8. A slower and longer exhale can help calm down our bodies and give us time to respond rather than react. Allowing us to manage our emotions better and avoid doing this we might regret.
- Schedule Down Time. Make sure to block time out in your schedule for some ME time. The same way you schedule meetings and gatherings. Set out a time to do the things you love and keep your word to yourself and do it. When you take care of yourself first, you can then take better care of others and show up as your best self. It is also a great way to show appreciation for yourself. You deserve good things.
- Know Your Values. Set out time to find what are your values. Having awareness around what we believe in can help us because it guides us like an ethical GPS so our behavior is aligned with what we believe in. In her podcast, Unlocking Us, Brene Brown teaches us how to live into our values, here is a link to get started https://brenebrown.com/resources/living-into-our-values/.
- Connect with Others. Ask someone how they really are, reconnect with an old friend, schedule a video call with a loved one, or set a lunch date with a friend. In the interaction, be present. Don’t look at your phone. Ask open ended questions, like: What were your favorite moments this year? Or What are you proud of in the past year? Then, listen. Ask follow up questions. Ultimately, we all want to be seen and heard. Really listening is a precious gift because it allows for connection and connection heals.
While there are only a few days left before the year is over we still have plenty of moments to bring happiness to ourselves and those around us.
Instead of being in a constant search for happiness, the truth is that happiness is easily within our reach if we allow ourselves to stop for a minute and grab it. We don’t need to chase it.
Tiara Hoquee
Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach
The Map that Will Get You There
New Year. New Me. Sounds familiar?
The beginning of a new year always feels like a fresh start, a clean slate where we can create new goals that will improve our lives. Motivation is in the air and we want to become our best selves. Our intentions are definitely in the right place.
Unfortunately, though we start the year with the best intentions, we rarely achieve what we set out to accomplish.
Research shows 80% of people abandon their New Year’s resolutions by February. This is very disheartening, yet at the same time, it teaches us something valuable. Motivation and intention are not the only things we need to achieve the goals we set for ourselves.
James Clear, the best-selling author of Atomic Habits, tells us “You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems”. We are quick to create new goals for ourselves, the thing is new goals don’t mean a new outcome. If we don’t have a plan in place, meaning a system, to make this goal a reality we often fall short.
Systems are the daily collection of small habits that we have in place that will allow us to get to our outcome.
Note the word small in the previous sentence. One of the biggest mistakes we make at the time we set our resolutions is that we go big. This is because society has taught us to go big or go home.
When talking about nutrition we want to skip meals or switch all of our lunches for salads. Regarding exercise, we think I’ll run a marathon when you still can’t run a 5k. These are all big and exciting changes, but are they sustainable? Can we keep up this change for the long run?
A small habit would be switching an afternoon snack from a bag of chips to a banana. This seems tiny. A small bag of chips has 250 calories, and a banana is 105. Over the course of a week, that is a 675 caloric difference. That’s a whole meal’s worth of food less. Not to mention you would be consuming 73 fewer grams of fat. Bottom line: bite-size changes can create super-sized results.
Another important thing to keep in mind when we map and plan our systems is to include the element of reward.
Have you ever heard the phrase Celebrate the small wins?
Our brain is programmed to repeat behavior that feels good. If the new year’s resolution involves waking up at 5 am every morning to go for a run and you think to yourself, “Ugh, I have to go for a run”. This sounds more like punishment, you are less likely to repeat it again.
On the other hand, if your resolution is I’ll go for a 15-minute walk after my lunch break. In comparison, this feels much more doable. It is less effort, as well as less time. Perhaps, it’s even something you look forward to. You think to yourself, “I get to go on my walk”. That switch of language is picked up by the brain and associated with a reward.
Yes, the 15-minute walk is fewer steps or calories burned than a morning run, but if you can keep it up. Consistency is much more important than intensity.
Finally, finding a tribe that supports and encourages your desired behavior can be a key element in achieving what you propose for the upcoming year.
At Destiny, we want to give you that support.
Tiara Hoquee
Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach