Why We Should Aim for Consistency, Not Perfection, in All Areas of Life?
Society has led us to believe that to achieve consistency, the key is never to miss. That means never missing a workout, eating “unhealthy foods, or missing a deadline. No matter what you are doing, you must be perfect if you want to be consistent.
Consistency doesn’t equal perfection
This “ never miss” mentality is not the secret to consistency. It is the secret to failure. Never is an all-encompassing word that shows little compassion, understanding, or room for growth.
Yet, it is how we learn to operate. We start a new workout routine, are committed, show up without missing for weeks, and then something happens. Perhaps you are too tired from work or going through something difficult in your personal life or even an injury. You skip a workout.
Failure looms above your head. I missed everything I worked for is gone because it wasn’t perfect.
The Secret to Consistency
Here is where the real secret to consistency comes in. It’s not about never missing; it’s about not missing twice. That’s sustainable. That’s giving yourself room to breathe and be human. We don’t miss twice because we create a pattern.
My experience with consistency
I’ll use myself as an example. In 2023, I set myself a goal to run every week at least once. I started with a realistic plan I knew I could accomplish even when my motivation was nowhere to be found.
I was doing great, getting in two or even three weekly runs. I could feel myself getting faster and being able to cover longer distances. I was so happy with my progress.
Then, one week after, I ran 10 kilometers, my longest distance this year. I was swamped with work, and I didn’t run.
I’m not going to lie. According to society’s definition of consistency, I failed. Then, I took a moment and remembered my definition. As soon as I realized I had missed once, I panicked and felt like a failure.
The following week every single day went by, I thought about running, but I felt heavy and slow. I didn’t want to. It had been so long since my last run. Before I knew it was Sunday, this was my last chance. I had only missed once; I had an opportunity, a choice: to make this a pattern or not.
I took stock of the resources available to me to make running more manageable for me:
- Enlist help and support from people close to me
- Pick a good running location
- Select a playlist that I would find motivating
I put on my running shoes, and I went out. I put one foot in front of the other. Yes, I felt heavy and slow at first. But, soon after, I felt exhilarated and full of energy. The support, the music, and the beautiful day filled me with energy. I didn’t create a pattern; I chose to run. That thought pushed me all the way.
How to apply in everyday life
Remember that feelings and thoughts are not facts. We often believe what our inner voice tells us without questioning it, and unfortunately, that inner voice can be pretty critical.
My inner voice was telling me that I was a failure for missing. I wasn’t a failure, far from it. Yet I could catch it and realize that it wasn’t correct.
When these feelings and thoughts pop up, create awareness around them and find evidence that proves them wrong. This will develop more compassion for yourself and allow you to continue to grow and foster more positive thoughts and feelings about yourself.
Tiara Hoquee
Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach
How To Turn Your AWAKENING From Zero To Hero?
Do you find yourself concerned with the future: to-do lists and worries?
How about being stuck in the past: regrets and mistakes you wish you could change? If we spend most of our time on the future or past, we completely miss the present.
Someone we care about approaches us to talk about something important to them; could be their day or a challenge they're going through. We had a busy tiring day and either listen half-heartedly without really paying the attention they deserve, or tell them we are tired and we'll listen later but never get to it.
This could be an esteemed coworker, a dear friend, or even a member of our beloved family. We say our family is important to us, but how is that reflected in our daily lives?
How we talk to ourselves, how we speak to others, how we take care of our body and the beliefs we hold are part of our programming.
They are made up of past experiences, and pieces of information we’ve learned. They have been on repeat for a long time, to the point where they become automated responses, with little to no thought behind them. We spend roughly around 40% of our lives on autopilot.
Though from a biological standpoint we are saving energy by automating this process, the downside is we get caught in beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve any purpose for us and we are holding on to them out of sheer habit.
For example, a coworker approaches us for some feedback on a project. Generally, we tend to be very defensive about feedback, because we believe our work is an extension of us. If our automated response is to cross our arms, listen but not hear and refuse constructive criticism we lose the opportunity to improve our work.
On a more personal note, if our spouse is scolding us about forgetting to buy milk yet when our automated response is getting upset and spouting a list of all the hard work we do ends with both of you feeling resentful, unheard, and unappreciated then we lose the opportunity to connect with our spouse.
There comes a time in our life when we need to pay attention to what beliefs and behaviors are set on autopilot and revise if these automated responses are bringing us closer or further away from the life we want to lead.
An awakening - a process to turn ignorance to awareness
The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.
The first step to transforming our lives is to start paying attention to the beliefs we have that don't serve us. Then, it’s time for decluttering our minds. We need to clear out what is not working in our lives, to make room for supporting beliefs and actions that lead us closer to who we want to be.
Small and big actions that support who we want to be will build confidence and support our authentic selves to come forward.
In short, awakening our consciousness to bring ourselves to the present is the biggest gift we can give ourselves and to those around us and this is the way we can turn our awakening from zero to hero.
Tiara Hoquee
Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach
The Importance of Knowing Our Strengths
Know our Strengths
How well do you know yourself?
Perhaps you know you like coffee better than tea and prefer Thai food over Mexican. These are all useful bits of information. However, do you know what you stand for and believe in? When it comes to your character what are your strengths and weaknesses? This knowledge is power. The power to know who we are.
We tend to use our profession, marital status, age, and ethnicity among others to define ourselves. We are quick to say I’m a lawyer, I’m a mom, or I’m a millennial. Yet, all of these things speak about what we are not necessarily who we are.
An important part of practicing self-awareness is to get to know ourselves better. How does it add value to my life to know who I am?
The Importance of Knowing Our Strengths
Wouldn’t it be great if we all came with an instruction manual telling us exactly who we are and how we work? The next best thing is using our awareness to tune into ourselves and listen. By learning what are our strengths we can:
- Increase our confidence. Knowing what we are good at can help us increase our self-esteem. We can appreciate the traits that make us unique.
- Boost productivity. We are quick to focus on flaws or mistakes, but focusing on strengths can be a great motivator to get tasks done.
- Figure out best strategies. Understanding what we do the best can helps us use this advantage in relation to how we carry ourselves in the world and how we relate to others at work and at home.
Weaknesses: The Other Side of the Coin
We also need to learn which areas we need to improve on. By learning our weaknesses we can pay attention to when they come into play and plan accordingly so that situations don’t get the best of us.
When we know our weaknesses but also our strengths this allows us to use the latter to help us correct problems we struggle with. For example, one of my strengths is my love of learning. One of my weaknesses is my forgetfulness. I used my love of learning to learn techniques and systems I could use to avoid being so forgetful.
The better acquainted we are with both, the better we can plan to make the best out of every situation.
How to Find Our Strengths and Weaknesses
Practicing self-awareness can help us identify these in our everyday life, we just need to pay attention. When considering your strengths think about the following questions:
- When do I feel at my best?
- What actions do I perform effortlessly?
- What do people around me call on me for?
- What makes me feel like time flies?
Something else you can try is asking for the help of colleagues, friends, and family members to see yourself through the eyes of others. To enlist their help simply ask them to share what they think are your strengths and/or when they feel you really shine and are at your best. Perhaps, you’ll hear something that might surprise you. It’s always great feedback to listen to.
While it’s not so appealing to know our weaknesses, remember knowing them will put us at an advantage to deal with them better and you can ask yourself the following questions:
- When do I feel very frustrated?
- What actions are very challenging?
- Which traits do you have that you struggle to accept?
Knowing our strengths and weaknesses is a valuable lesson that can help us grow and strive closer to the best version of ourselves for us and the people around us.
Tiara Hoquee
Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach