You are not What Happened to You. You are What You Choose to Become

Life and work are full of changes. Among some of the most common, we can find are: getting a new job, changing job industries, having a new relationship or leaving an old one, leaving a job, and getting a promotion.

All of these changes require a transition to them meaning you undergo a process when you go from one state to another. 

What is the difference between CHANGE and TRANSITION?

CHANGE refers to the external event in itself. Change happens to us. On the other hand, TRANSITION refers to the internal process that we do at the beginning, during, and end of change. Transition is our response to change. 

In his book, Transition: Making Sense of Life’s Changes author William Bridges says:

“Change is something that happens to people, even if they don't agree with it. Transition, on the other hand, is internal: it's what happens in people's minds as they go through change. Change can happen very quickly, while transition usually occurs more slowly.”

He goes on to explain that transition happens in three stages:

1. Ending, Losing, and Letting Go – This is the part where we mourn the loss of what was before. 
2. The Neutral Zone – This is the middle of the process where we let go of who we were and what was lost, but we are not yet someone new. This is the stage where growth happens. New and exciting thinking patterns can emerge.
3. The New Beginning – This marks the start of something new. The pain of the loss alongside reflection leads to progress. Facing the challenge and adapting leaves us stronger and wiser. 

When we face change in the path of life it’s difficult to know which way to go. The change can feel like someone spun us around several times and we are left feeling disoriented. Transitional coaching can help you to adjust and cope with the challenges of change in the best way possible.

 

Transitional Coaching: Developing a Plan

Uncertainty arises after change arrives in our lives. We had a plan that has been thrown off balance. Many questions arise as to how should we proceed, what is our next move and how this impacts how we feel about who we are and what we want.

When the ground feels shaky and you feel unstable a transitional coach will get you back on steady ground by reminding you of:

• Who YOU are
• Your STRENGTHS
• Your PASSION
• Your CORE BELIEFS

Not only is this a great foundation to start a new plan but also by exploring all of the above we grow our self-esteem and build confidence in our abilities. The fertile soil of knowing who we are, and what’s important for us sets us up for success to then find clarity on how we want to proceed with our next step.  

Through transition coaching, we are able to develop new thinking and behavior patterns that have a great impact on our internal and external world. By changing our inner narratives, the story we tell ourselves of what happens has a great impact on our mindset. 

Taking charge of the story and empowering ourselves by mastering our emotions and behavior from reacting to responding allows us to overcome anxiety, stress, and fear. 

Having a transition coach can help us step up into the power of our true potential and discover more about ourselves than we knew before. Lead yourself and others by commanding respect through solid interpersonal skills and allowing yourself to create an environment of growth.

Ultimately, the key to transitional coaching is to ensure that you have the tools and knowledge to transit from the care of the coach to self-leadership.

 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

 

The Executive Transitional Coaching Program is about finding clarity on how we want to proceed with our next step and allowing us to overcome anxiety, stress and fear. Click HERE for details.

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by dri admin

Get Better EMOTIONAL RESILIENCE Results By Following 3 Simple Steps

The world is changing at a frightening pace. To the point that sometimes it’s hard to catch our breaths in the midst of the waves of challenges that we meet on a daily basis. 

Today’s working force grew up without cell phones, and now we can’t leave home without them. We went from cassette tapes and radio to CDs, to mp3 players, to streaming platforms in less than 30 years. 

To say the world changes fast is a bit of an understatement. In We find ourselves constantly adjusting to new situations, elements, and deadlines. Trying to keep up with soft and hard skills in an increasingly demanding work environment. 

They say we live in a VUCA world, which stands for volatile, uncertain, complex, and ambiguous. In these conditions, it’s challenging to plan and know what will happen next because the circumstances keep changing. There is an increasing number of variables to consider and motivation is hard to pin down. 

The concept of a VUCA world plants a seed of uncertainty and fear, which leads us to feelings of self-doubt, instability, loss of motivation, and lack of trust. With so many moving pieces and unsure about what our next step can be. Our mental health gets affected by what is perceived as a lack of control over many outcomes.  It’s a standard response - our brains are programmed to try to predict the future.

We need an anchor that can steady our boat in the face of the stormy seas of uncertainty. Let’s dive into how we can create stability in a world that’s always changing.

 

How to Grow Resilience?

The American Psychological Association defines resilience as the process and outcome of successfully adapting to difficult or challenging life experiences, especially through mental, emotional, and behavioral flexibility and adjustment to external and internal demands.

A simple way to put is the more resilience we have, the better our ability to adjust, adapt and "roll with the punches" that life throws at us. Alternatively, people with low resilience will struggle more to pivot when faced with challenges and changes. 

Research shows that those who deal with minor stresses more easily also can manage major crises with greater ease*. So, resilience has its use in the daily stressors we face every day like, a spilled coffee as well as a bigger crisis like losing our job.

Martin Seligman proposed the 3 Ps of Mindset to help us navigate the waves of change. By considering the following three concepts we are able to take some perspective and look at a situation from different lenses:

• Permanence. Refers to how we think a bad situation will last forever. 
• Personalization. Refers to thinking that the problem is yourself.
• Pervasiveness. Refers to thinking a bad situation applies across all areas of your life.

 

 

	Instead of This	Try This
Permanence	I will never achieve X.	I haven’t achieved x, yet…How can I achieve X?
Personalization	I am not smart enough.	I am lacking in this specific skill. (speaks of the skill, not you as a person)
Pervasiveness	Everything is ruined. I fail at everything.	This bad situation is about X. I can separate it from the other areas of my life. (can remind yourself of success in other areas)

Becoming resilient doesn't happen overnight. Much like riding a bicycle, employing a new skill feels very awkward at first, yet the more we practice the more it becomes a habit. To the point of feeling natural and second nature to us. 

Practicing self-awareness will allow us to catch ourselves in moments where we fall victim to permanence, personalization, and pervasiveness. Once we have gotten used to catching it, we can then start replacing it with more positive thoughts that will allow us to build up our resilience and deal with changes big and small. 

 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

 

*Southwick SM, Vythilingam M, Charney DS. The psychobiology of depression and resilience to stress: implications for prevention and treatment.

 

 

The Leadership - Raising Our Emotional Intelligence (EQ) and Resiliency Program is specially designed to corporate leaders about identifying and integrating their feelings and thinking to generate effective actions. It is a framework to help leaders to cultivate their resiliency to handle stressful demands, overcome setbacks and accomplish aggressive organizational goals effectively. Click HERE for program details.

 

 

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by dri admin

How To Turn Your AWAKENING From Zero To Hero?

Do you find yourself concerned with the future: to-do lists and worries?

How about being stuck in the past: regrets and mistakes you wish you could change? If we spend most of our time on the future or past, we completely miss the present. 

Someone we care about approaches us to talk about something important to them; could be their day or a challenge they're going through. We had a busy tiring day and either listen half-heartedly without really paying the attention they deserve, or tell them we are tired and we'll listen later but never get to it. 

This could be an esteemed coworker, a dear friend, or even a member of our beloved family. We say our family is important to us, but how is that reflected in our daily lives? 

How we talk to ourselves, how we speak to others, how we take care of our body and the beliefs we hold are part of our programming. 

They are made up of past experiences, and pieces of information we’ve learned. They have been on repeat for a long time, to the point where they become automated responses, with little to no thought behind them. We spend roughly around 40% of our lives on autopilot. 

 

Though from a biological standpoint we are saving energy by automating this process, the downside is we get caught in beliefs and behaviors that no longer serve any purpose for us and we are holding on to them out of sheer habit. 

For example, a coworker approaches us for some feedback on a project. Generally, we tend to be very defensive about feedback, because we believe our work is an extension of us. If our automated response is to cross our arms, listen but not hear and refuse constructive criticism we lose the opportunity to improve our work. 

On a more personal note, if our spouse is scolding us about forgetting to buy milk yet when our automated response is getting upset and spouting a list of all the hard work we do ends with both of you feeling resentful, unheard, and unappreciated then we lose the opportunity to connect with our spouse. 

There comes a time in our life when we need to pay attention to what beliefs and behaviors are set on autopilot and revise if these automated responses are bringing us closer or further away from the life we want to lead. 

An awakening - a process to turn ignorance to awareness

The difference between who you are and who you want to be is what you do.

The first step to transforming our lives is to start paying attention to the beliefs we have that don't serve us. Then, it’s time for decluttering our minds. We need to clear out what is not working in our lives, to make room for supporting beliefs and actions that lead us closer to who we want to be. 

Small and big actions that support who we want to be will build confidence and support our authentic selves to come forward. 

In short, awakening our consciousness to bring ourselves to the present is the biggest gift we can give ourselves and to those around us and this is the way we can turn our awakening from zero to hero.

 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

 

 

The 10-Stages Journey of Life Transformation is about identifying what is not working in our lives and making changes to better both ourselves and our relationships.  Click HERE for details.

 

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Focusing on the Positives

Did you know that we have about 50,000 thoughts on a daily basis and around 80% of those thoughts are negative, according to research conducted by the National Science Foundation?  

This happens because of the way that our brains are wired. From prehistoric times, when we were cave people, our brains would focus on threats and dangers, such as a lion hiding in the bushes or a bird flying out of the sky to eat our food. We programmed ourselves to look out for the negative to be able to ensure the safety of us and those around us.  

We no longer have lions waiting in the bushes to attack us, yet our brains are still programmed to focus on things that can possibly cause us harm. The main problem is that in the world we live in now instead of tigers and birds we have deadlines, and people who cut the queue or bump into us while looking at
their phones. All of these are annoying but definitely not life-threatening. 

 

 

When we get home and our partner asks about our day a lot of the time it’s about everything that went wrong: that annoying co-worker who won’t shut up, that you spilled your coffee over your new white shirt, and how the waiter got your order wrong at lunch. We do this despite positive events happening even more frequently than negative ones. 

It’s like we have a pair of glasses that make us blind to the good things that happen around us. From small things like enjoying your morning coffee and the sun shining on your face to the bigger things like being healthy, a good review at work, and having friends and family you love surround you. 

If you do a presentation at work and most of your co-workers come up to you afterward to tell you what a great job you did. Yet, there is one person that mentions something you did wrong. The chances are you focus on the one “bad” review. That’s the glasses in action making you blind to all the
positives.  

This also translates into our personal relationships where we tend to focus on what are partners get wrong or are mistaken instead of bringing up all the things they do right. 

The good news is the brain can be reprogrammed to focus on the positive at work and in our personal lives. It all starts with creating awareness of ourselves and those around us. 

Begin with paying attention and catching yourself when you notice you are focusing on the negative. Once you start, you can then replace the negative thought with a positive one. 

Let’s say you are at home and you notice your partner hasn’t washed the dishes. They did go to the grocery store and restocked the fridge and remember to get those snacks they love. Instead of nagging about the dishes give thanks for what they did well. 

Take off the negativity glasses and look around at all the positive things going on around you. Reprogram your brain and you’ll notice the more you focus on the positive, the more your brain will look for even more positives because not only is it rewarding but it also decreases stress and improves your mood. 

 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

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The Everlasting Essential for Leadership - TRUST

 

Leadership for me is like a recipe for a fabulous dish.  There are many different ways to make it.  Everyone thinks they have the winning recipe with the correct ingredients in the right amounts.  After tasting a variety of leadership dishes I have to say there is one pivotal ingredient and that is trust. 

Compared with people at low-trust companies, people at high-trust companies report: 

• 74% less stress
• 106% more energy at work
• 50% higher productivity
• 13% fewer sick days
• 76% more engagement
• 9% more satisfaction with their lives
• 40% less burnout.

This shows us the incredible impact that trust can have in our workplace.

If we stop and consider what a workplace that does not have trust looks we might observe a lack of communication, clarity, and sincerity just for starters.

Distrust gives employees the feeling they are not safe.  Distrustful people engage in behavior like defending, attacking, resisting, and complaining to name a few. 

What is Trust?

Charles Feltman, in his bestseller The Thin Book of Trust, defines trust as: “Choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions”.  This choice of sharing is based on the belief you are safe because whoever is receiving it will be understanding and sympathetic. 

Picture the difference between having a personal issue you are struggling with and going to a workplace where you feel you need to hide it and pretend to be alright.  This takes an extra toll on you, and people might pick up on it, but since they do not know the whole story might perceive you as grumpy or withdrawn.

On the other hand, you step into a workplace where you feel comfortable saying you are going through something and you are not your best self.  Your leaders and co-workers now have received your vulnerability, and can meet you with compassion and empathy.  There is no need to put on a mask and pretend, you are received as yourself.  Your vulnerability is perceived as a strength, not a weakness. 

The idea is to create an environment where instead of looking out for people who might cause you harm, you look out for each other from a place of support and shared connection. 

How to Build Trust?

Hopefully, by this point, you are sold on the idea of trust.  The next big step is asking yourself how do I build it. 

The first thing to note about building trust is that it does not come from big statements.  The closest analogy that comes to mind is laying a brick wall.  A brick in this wall can look like:

• asking for help
• approaching an employee who looks down and asking if they are alright
• being honest about your limitations
• allowing employees the freedom to explore their ideas

 

 

Every day we are presented with several opportunities to either lay more bricks on the wall or knock down some bricks off the wall.  It is very important to create self-awareness around how our actions impact the people around us.

Leaders have a responsibility of being role models and use their behavior to be the change they want to see.  

Here are some tools you can use to get you started on this wall:

 

Tool	Qualities	Your words
Honesty	Sincere and Transparent	Clear and real
Reliability	Can be counted on	Meaning and Weight
Empathy	People’s best interests at heart	Reflect caring and understanding

Being a helping hand, aiding in resolving conflict, constructive criticism, and checking in on your team can be done with these tools in mind.  Share your strengths and knowledge to support others.  Finally, make sure to keep on track as much as possible, instead of sending mixed messages.  

When you find yourself off track, apologize and move forward.  It’s not about being perfect, it is about being consistent. 

 

 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

 

Further reading:

How To Uncover Our Blind Spots: Unconscious Bias In Leadership

Mental Wellness is Under Attack, Especially for Business Leaders

7 Effective Ways to Lighten Stress and Enhance the Mental Health of Leaders

 

Click HERE to experience a 30 mins FREE coaching session with our experienced coach for a exploration on your SELF, Work or Relationship

 

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How can Self Awareness and Emotional Intelligence Work for Us?

 

Throughout history, human beings have harnessed the forces of nature such as wind and water to our benefit. We took something dangerous like fire and learned how to control it. It ended up serving us to cook meals and keep warm. Once wind would smash our boats into rocks, we learned to use it to impulse us in the right direction. Emotions are a similar story; they can be dangerous and make us crash, yet if we know how to control them they can serve us and take us in the right direction.

Emotional intelligence is making emotions work for you, instead of against you. The first step to accomplishing this is self awareness. Let us define what this means. Self-awareness is the skill of being aware of our:

• Thoughts & Emotions
• Strengths & Weaknesses
• Values

After reading that definition, you might think I know all those things. Interestingly enough, self awareness is like multi tasking in the sense most people think they have this skill. However, Even though most people believe they are self-aware, only 10-15% of the people fit the criteria, according to the Harvard Business Review.

Being able to identify and name our emotions helps us in a significant number of ways. For starters, when regarding emotions we usually limit our vocabularies to okay, angry, sad and stressed. This is very limited when the reality is there are at least 27 distinct emotions—and they are intimately connected, shows a study from Greater Good Science Center.^[1]

 

By being specific and accurate about naming our emotions we are better able to understand what we need. Emotions are our mind’s way to give us information about our inner state. We often tend to ignore and distract ourselves. We live in a culture where we glorify “powering through” when this often leads to burnout and poor mental health.

If we wake up and think, “Oh, I feel bad”. This doesn’t give us much information. If I were to narrow it down to something more specific I will be better equipped to improve my state. For example:

• I feel overwhelmed. I can take a look at my to-do list and prioritize important tasks. Create a plan. If possible, delegate or postpone other less urgent tasks.
• I feel unfocused. I can take some time to take care of myself, which could look like better sleep, healthy meals, a workout, a massage, or a walk in nature.
• I feel indifferent. I can think about what activities I love that bring me joy and make time to do them, whether it’s shopping, playing a musical instrument, or having dinner with friends. 

Among other benefits of naming our emotions, we can point out that by accurately recognizing how we feel we can put some distance between ourselves and the emotion. Creating this separation can bring some clarity as we realize we are not our emotions, and allow us to act more thoughtfully.

To illustrate this principle, I would like you to try a short exercise.

1. Place your right hand in front of your face, almost touching your nose. And now ask yourself:
   1. What can you see?
   2. Is your hand getting in the way?

In this exercise, our hands represent our feelings and thoughts. When they are in such proximity, it’s hard to know where they end and you begin. Not only this, but also we are unable to see the situation around us clearly because we are so immersed in our thoughts and feelings that we fail to notice everything else.

2. Now, place your hand at a distance from your face. And now ask yourself:
   1. What can you see?
   2. Is your hand getting in the way?

The thoughts and feelings are still there but they don’t consume you and you can see the situation more clearly. It is important to highlight that to manage emotions is not to avoid or dismiss them. Rather it is to allow ourselves to feel them and at the same time not let them dictate our actions.

We become thoughtful rather than reactive by paying attention to our inner states and then identifying them to create distance. Our inability to notice our own emotions and thoughts often leaves us at its mercy. Much like our example of fire, if we are unaware it can burn us. 

People who can recognize their thoughts and emotions are better drivers of their life. For example, if I have a presentation today and I realize I am feeling some anxiety around it. By paying attention to my inner state I can observe my options to improve the situation by asking myself where is the anxiety coming from:

1. Lack of preparation. I can review my presentation to increase my confidence
2. Overthinking. I can occupy myself with other tasks.
3. Wrongly perceived emotion. Excitement and anxiety feel similar in the body.

Recognizing a feeling as it happens and not as an afterthought is the keystone of emotional intelligence. There is a clear connection between our thoughts, feelings, and behavior. The better we get to know our thoughts and emotions, the better we can make our emotions work for us and behave in a way that is aligned with our values.

For more idea on how our strengths, weaknesses, and values are important elements in self-awareness, please read my previous blog "The Importance of Knowing Our Strengths".

 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

Click HERE to experience a 30 mins FREE coaching session with our experienced coach to know your strengths

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^[1] Keltner, Dacher. “How Many Different Human Emotions Are There?” Greater Good Science Center, 8 September 2017, https://greatergood.berkeley.edu/article/item/how_many_different_human_emotions_are_there.

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The Importance of Knowing Our Strengths

Know our Strengths

How well do you know yourself?

Perhaps you know you like coffee better than tea and prefer Thai food over Mexican. These are all useful bits of information. However, do you know what you stand for and believe in? When it comes to your character what are your strengths and weaknesses? This knowledge is power. The power to know who we are. 

We tend to use our profession, marital status, age, and ethnicity among others to define ourselves. We are quick to say I’m a lawyer, I’m a mom, or I’m a millennial. Yet, all of these things speak about what we are not necessarily who we are. 

An important part of practicing self-awareness is to get to know ourselves better. How does it add value to my life to know who I am?

 

The Importance of Knowing Our Strengths 

Wouldn’t it be great if we all came with an instruction manual telling us exactly who we are and how we work? The next best thing is using our awareness to tune into ourselves and listen. By learning what are our strengths we can:

• Increase our confidence. Knowing what we are good at can help us increase our self-esteem. We can appreciate the traits that make us unique. 
• Boost productivity. We are quick to focus on flaws or mistakes, but focusing on strengths can be a great motivator to get tasks done. 
• Figure out best strategies. Understanding what we do the best can helps us use this advantage in relation to how we carry ourselves in the world and how we relate to others at work and at home. 

 

Weaknesses: The Other Side of the Coin

We also need to learn which areas we need to improve on. By learning our weaknesses we can pay attention to when they come into play and plan accordingly so that situations don’t get the best of us. 

When we know our weaknesses but also our strengths this allows us to use the latter to help us correct problems we struggle with. For example, one of my strengths is my love of learning. One of my weaknesses is my forgetfulness. I used my love of learning to learn techniques and systems I could use to avoid being so forgetful. 

The better acquainted we are with both, the better we can plan to make the best out of every situation. 

 

How to Find Our Strengths and Weaknesses

Practicing self-awareness can help us identify these in our everyday life, we just need to pay attention. When considering your strengths think about the following questions:

• When do I feel at my best?
• What actions do I perform effortlessly?
• What do people around me call on me for? 
• What makes me feel like time flies?

Something else you can try is asking for the help of colleagues, friends, and family members to see yourself through the eyes of others. To enlist their help simply ask them to share what they think are your strengths and/or when they feel you really shine and are at your best. Perhaps, you’ll hear something that might surprise you. It’s always great feedback to listen to. 

While it’s not so appealing to know our weaknesses, remember knowing them will put us at an advantage to deal with them better and you can ask yourself the following questions:

• When do I feel very frustrated?
• What actions are very challenging?
• Which traits do you have that you struggle to accept?

Knowing our strengths and weaknesses is a valuable lesson that can help us grow and strive closer to the best version of ourselves for us and the people around us.

 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

 

Click HERE to experience a 30 mins FREE coaching session with our experienced coach to know your strengths

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The Art of Giving and Receiving Feedback

Managers dread giving it.  Employees cringe at receiving it. 

The word feedback has a terrible reputation. 

Yet, it is undoubtedly one of our most important tools to achieve growth, deepen our connections and improve performance. 

How do we master this art? 

The mere mention of someone saying, "Come to my office I have some feedback to give you" can make us stop in our tracks and conjure frightening ideas of all we've done wrong.

It's hard to say which is more difficult to give or receive feedback.

In the first instance, we are tasked with telling a person their weak points which aren't the most pleasant of tasks. 

In a recent survey done by Harvard Business Review, they found that 44% of managers believed that giving developmental feedback was stressful or difficult. 

On the other hand, receiving feedback involves listening to what you did wrong, which no one wants to listen to. 

It’s hard to hear criticism, even if it is positive.

The first step to getting us on the right track is to determine what we shouldn’t do. 

What makes feedback “bad”?

 

 

Where did Feedback go Wrong?

Well, in reality, feedback didn’t do anything wrong per se. 

It is us, the human race, who have used it in a less than ideal way. 

What has caused us to associate this word with negative connotations?

• Lack of engagement from the giver.  This could stem from feeling uncomfortable, insufficient skills, or fear of the employee's reaction among others. 

• Lack of reception from the receiver.   Often, when the feedback is taken personally, it creates reactions like shutting down and/or getting defensive, which tends to harm relationships instead of enhancing them. 

• Lack of clarity in communication.   When either party isn’t clear in the message they want to convey it tends to result in a negative interaction. Where one or both parties leave feeling misunderstood or unheard. 

 

 

Why is Feedback Key?

It is clear so far that it’s no easy task to deal with feedback. 

So, why go through all this trouble?

Something amazing can happen when two people sit together and seek to listen and understand each other. 

Caring, trust, and vulnerability create fertile soil to plant the seeds of real connection.

You create a culture where leaders look after their employees and that in return increases engagement, develops performance, and fosters a positive atmosphere. 

Feedback when done right has the power to motivate and result in personal and professional growth. So, how do we do it right?

 

Mastering the Art

If we break down the components of feedback we can find three elements: the giver, the message and the receiver. 

 

The Giver

Open-mindedness, empathy, and teamwork must be present at the time we offer feedback. 

To make sure, as a leader, you are prepared to give feedback ask yourself these questions beforehand:

1. Can I separate the person from the problem? 
2. Do I want to listen to their perspective?
3. Am I willing to provide support to overcome the problem and tackle it as a team?

Another element to keep in mind is the timing. 

We want to try our best so that both you and the receiver are in a good place mentally to have this conversation. 

Once you know as the giver you’re ready, you can check in by saying: “Can I offer you some feedback?”

It provides the receiver with the courtesy of asking, starting with a positive tone.

 

The Receiver

We know that we all have room for improvement, yet we are reluctant to hear how we can improve. 

We can turn this around by acknowledging that by receiving feedback we are learning important information about ourselves or our work that can lead to the growth that we seek. 

This change in mindset can make all the difference.

Be grateful to listen to the guidance on what you can do better and ask questions to clarify what steps you can take to correct and improve. 

 

The Message

Clear is kind.  Unclear is unkind. - Brené Brown, Dare to Lead. 

Beating around the bush, walking on eggshells, and another number of metaphors dealing with lack of clarity when we talk to protect either ourselves or others end up hurting more than they help. 

The greatest disservice we can do is not speak clearly.

For both the receiver and giver to be understood better check the following when communicating your message:

IS THE MESSAGE…	UNCLEAR	CLEAR
SPECIFIC	All your reports are very confusing.	Your last report wasn’t as clear as we needed it to be.
DESCRIPTIVE	Make the report clearer.	What do you think about adding data to back up your information, and using bullet points to ease reading.

 

 

Positive Feedback Culture

Last but not least, they say that no feedback is positive feedback.  This is not the culture you want to promote. 

If we never hear positive feedback, and only get called out for negative feedback this can create resentment in the employees. 

Whereas, if you regularly practice giving positive feedback, a baseline of confidence and appreciation is created which allows employees to thrive and when they receive negative feedback it allows them to receive it much more gracefully since they know there are many things they do well.

 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

 

 

 

Further readings:

How To Uncover Our Blind Spots: Unconscious Bias In Leadership?

How Can A Leader Give Positive Criticism To His Teammates?

State Management - Instant Change of Emotion

 

Click HERE to experience a 30 mins FREE coaching session with our experienced coach.

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How Values Make All the Difference

Think about the last time you went travelling and were trying to navigate a new place.  It is quite the challenge, to find your way.

Fifty years ago, we would check a map, perhaps a compass.  Thanks to the beauty of technology with a few taps on our phone we have GPS with directions telling us exactly where to turn. 

In the physical world, we have tools we can access to help us go in the right direction.  

How about in the mental world, do we also have access to these tools?  

Yes, we do. They are called values.

Now, you might be thinking about how values can lead me in the right direction?  Well, I’m glad you asked. 

Why Do Values Matter?

First off, let’s quickly define what values are.  

Simply put, values are a set of beliefs that describe our essence.  

Knowing what we stand for makes it that much easier to know who we are and where we are going.  Otherwise, we are wandering through life without a destination or direction. 

When we know our values we understand what matters to us.  

When we know what matters to us when facing a decision we can rely on our values to show us the right path.

From something as simple as writing an email to something more complicated like giving feedback to my team, your values will act as a guide to behave in a way that is aligned with what you believe. 

Values in Action

Living out our values in our everyday life is a way to bring enrichment into our lives.

When we behave in a way that is misaligned with our values we often feel guilty, frustrated, or embarrassed.  

On the other hand, when our actions are aligned with our values it brings a sense of fulfilment and satisfaction.

Our values can help us in:

• Making challenging decisions. If you value adventure over safety, when presented with an opportunity to work abroad, this can fill you with the courage to make the move. 
• Setting meaningful objectives and goals. Take a look at your everyday activities. How are you spending your time? If you value knowledge, learn a new skill by joining a course or picking up a book.
• Conquering obstacles. Often laziness or fear can prevent us from doing more. However, when we focus on our values we can find the motivation to overcome what is in our way. 

Coaching and Values

In her bestselling book, Dare to Lead, Brene Brown, Ph.D., states,

“Living into our values means that we do more than profess our values, we practise them.  We walk our talk – we are clear about what we believe and hold important, and we take care that our intentions, words, thoughts, and behaviours align with those beliefs.”

Through coaching, we can explore and discover what our values are.

We can find what really matters to us and look for ways to give our lives a direction and a sense of purpose.  This can help us change from feeling stuck to moving forward. 

Tiara Hoquee

Psychologist and Emotional Intelligence Coach

Click HERE to experience a 30 mins FREE coaching session with our experienced coach.

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by dri admin