Month: November 2021

Embracing your sanity that comes in a package

The modern mom is busy.  Whether she works outside of the home, runs a business or prides herself in focusing on her children, a modern mom has a packed schedule usually from before the kids wake up (say, 6 a.m.) ‘til after she’s scheduled a bit of “we” time with her partner (assuming she’s got one, say 11 p.m.).  When there’s so much going on, it’s really easy to lose your cool every now and then.  While her male counterpart may come home and kick his feet up to call it a day, women in Hong Kong still need to inspect the kids’ homework, taste the domestic helper’s cooking, ensure that the chores have been properly completed AND still look good.  Can you say T-I-R-E-D?

With a schedule that packed, it’s no wonder so many women suffer from stress, depression, anxiety, and eating disorders.  There’s just no outlet for what’s going on in the inside.  Sometimes it’s the people who surround us that take the brunt of it.  Partner, children, domestic helper, parents, colleagues, the list goes on.  While some have reaped the benefits of the daily practice of yoga & meditation, not everyone is ready to sit still and be still (in body and mind).  I’ve often heard feedback that yoga and meditation are boring.  Many women allow their emotions to completely wreck havoc to their otherwise satisfying life. When your emotions are completely out of whack, it doesn’t matter what the other person is saying, you are affected by what’s stirring beneath the surface.  A well-meaning remark by someone to get you motivated may be received as an insult.  A gentle caress by a loving partner may be interpreted as an annoying attempt to get sexual when you’re already depleted.  Admit it – it happens.

The solution really lies in recognizing the emotions at play.  If you’re fortunate, you’ll have a high degree of self-awareness and be able to contain situations before they get out of control.  Otherwise, what you may need is someone to be on your speed dial who is not your best friend or your family.  Try finding yourself a coach.  Life coaches are objective guides who are there to share an objective picture of what they see from what you have depicted.  Their aim is to help you through your crisis, which often means helping you tame your emotions before they get the best of you.  Much like couples don’t go to marriage counseling after a divorce, coaching should come into the picture before you make critical decisions.  They won’t do it for you, but they can help you master your emotions leading up to it.  Nobody guarantees that hiring a life coach may turn your stormy seas into rainbows and lullabies, but it’s the first step in getting the most important thing sorted out – your emotions. So if good things come in small packages, why wouldn’t your sanity also come in a package?

Judy Wong

Writer, Speaker and Lifestyle Coach

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by brightsand

What’s your latest yum-cha conversation?

Hong Kong people like to have dim sum, a.k.a. “yum-cha”.  It’s a time for bonding, for food (if you like dim sum) and for quality conversation (sometimes).  So why is it that some people can go yum-cha every day or every week with the same people (let’s say, family members) and yet the underlying relationships between these people may not be so great?  The answer is simple, small talk doesn’t build bonds.  Deep albeit sometimes emotional conversations do.

Have you ever heard parents “teaching” their teenage (or even adult) children, during a dim sum lunch?  Have you ever paid attention to how the children react?  Often times they are either trying desperately to find the nearest exit, ask for a toilet break, or bury themselves in their phones.  Why is this?

The parents are speaking in the same language, but the children are completely non-receptive.  There is a huge need for active listening by the children, but there is equally a strong need by the parent(s) to understand The 5 Love Languages so they can better communicate with their children.  While children of this generation are quite familiar with technology and can rely on the internet to find answers to many problems, the one thing that the internet does not teach is how to verbally communicate.  Being adults, we are tasked with ensuring that we find the “right” way to communicate with our children.  Just as you wouldn’t speak to a toddler using algorithms, you wouldn’t want to speak to a teenager using what you think is the “right” way to communicate.  Getting familiar with The 5 Love Languages is often critical at a time when children are developing and transitioning from one phase of life to another.  If a child is looking for affirmations, giving them plenty of hugs and kisses may not do the trick.

The same applies to couples that have been in the same relationship for a very long time.  There seems to be some form of unspoken expectation that one partner understands the other.  The danger of that is that when two people have had two very different sets of experiences and speak a very different Love Language, they can end up communicating their love in very different ways.  This could result in arguments that damage the relationship, and if it gets very emotional it could also do deep harm that results in prolonged suffering.

Everyone is busy in this modern world.  Yet if you take the time out to learn a bit more about how to address people during day to day social interactions and the result will be stronger relationships.  All of us have relationships that could use some building.  If you are using your time and effort but unable to build a relationship to the stage where you would like it to be, learning more about The 5 Love Languages is a great way to start.  We can certainly pick up the book, but if you are looking for condensed and concise feedback then it’s probably worth reaching out to David Yeh Jr., who is based right here in Hong Kong.  His expertise in the area of relationships and the 5 Love Languages will give your insightful feedback on what it is you are lacking and perhaps doing wrong.

Judy Wong

Writer, Speaker and Lifestyle Coach

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by brightsand

Why do many romantic relationships fail?

I’m not a relationship expert, so it’s funny that I choose to share my view on this topic, but I do find it immensely important.  When we are in relationships where we feel loved and our deepest emotions are revealed, we are able to function in much better ways as a human being.  That’s not to say there is anything wrong with choosing to be alone.  Yet, wouldn’t it be interesting to move beyond statistics and numbers and to understand why do so many romantic relationships fail?

Mr. David Yeh Junior is a relationship specialist in Hong Kong can probably tell you a lot more about the underlying causes, the research that’s been done, and the best way to help you with your specific problem.  As for me, without referencing any specific literature, I’d say most of us spend far too much time expecting more from others than from ourselves.  What do I mean by this?

I might be disliked for calling it out, but women are particularly guilty of this.  Women by nature are givers when there’s something “wrong” with a relationship we give and give and give, hoping to have our efforts reciprocated.  Often, instead of getting what we’ve given we scare men away.  More importantly though, and perhaps the root of the problem lies here, when the honeymoon period of a romance dies down, we become more expectant of certain gestures as opposed to approaching everything that is done with a heart of appreciation.  Just think about it, if a man bought you flowers on a first date you would think he’s going out of his way to please you.  You would appreciate the effort.  Yet, the same man, if he was your husband for many years forgets to buy you flowers on a special occasion (unless it was previously agreed that he doesn’t need to), you would most likely freak out!  Why?  Because you’ve established an expectation.

We take people who are close to us for granted.  It’s sad, but it’s true.  Men do the same.  They just show it differently.  In fact, I’ve met women who have been in abusive relationships, and it all started with an unmet expectation.  For example, a man is used to his partner cooking for him.  If she is suddenly busy or decides to stop cooking for him altogether because she found a new hobby, he may lash out with anger outbursts that eventually lead to physical abuse (after a longer period of time).  It’s an excuse for deeper issues that the man may be experiencing, but it all started with an expectation that the woman would cook dinner.

Human relationships are a complicated topic.  The habitual patterns and behaviours between males and females are even more complicated.  If you’re having difficulty in your romantic relationship, perhaps it’s time to seek the help of an expert.

Judy Wong

Writer, Speaker and Lifestyle Coach

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by brightsand

What’s more important – Wealth or Relationships?

This isn’t meant to be a nerve-wracking trick question.  It’s actually quite a simple one.  There is no right or wrong answer either.  What is important however is that your answer to this question will easily determine which areas of your life are impacted, and impacted in different ways.  For example, if you choose wealth, you are probably highly dedicated to your profession or business.  If you choose relationships, you are probably more focused on catering to the needs of those who surround you.

Many people who don’t want to admit it actually put wealth first.  That’s correct, they see money as their primary motive for many reasons.  Yes, they may claim that they need the money to be a better spouse, parent, child, etc., yet nobody actually forced them to choose money.  It’s a choice (albeit sometimes unconscious) that many adults make because they have been taught to see how money can contribute to their life.  However, children are the perfect mirrors for parenting and they will let you know if they feel your priorities are not straight.  A neglected child may say things that shock you.  Yet why have they said these things?  Potentially because parents have demonstrated that money is of higher importance than the child.  If you have ever experienced this, it’s an opportunity for you to not only re-examine your relationship with your child but also re-examine your values.

Now reverse the situation, let’s assume you answered “relationships”.  This may mean that your closest circle of friends and family benefit a lot from the time and interactions which you have together.  You are giving of your time and attention and you make sacrifices to ensure the relationship takes precedence over your work, your hobbies and perhaps your own personal time.  However, are you truly able to enjoy each other’s company due to growth or due to comfort?  Some people are actually unable to grow due to their close relationships with their friends and family.  The life that they live are held in a holding pattern that they themselves may not even recognize.  Many great books and authors of the past century have written that we are in fact so deeply affected by our circle that we really need to check the company we keep.  In fact, your income is the average of your five best friends.  So if this is indeed the case, who are you spending most of your time with?  Are your closest relationships fostering growth or hindering it?

So the importance which we place on something (such as wealth or relationships) defines our values and how we conduct ourselves.  In a city like Hong Kong where too much emphasis lies on material wealth, it’s no wonder that relationships are often shallow and unrewarding.  Many people initiate conversations with questions like “What do you do?  Where do you work?  Where do you live?”   Can you imagine starting a relationship based on a person’s profession or their habitat?  Don’t these things change over time?  Are these questions going to help you better assess the type of person that you are dealing with?  There is a way to fix this type of shallow conversation starter, and that’s to seek the advice of professionals such as coaches to help you define what your values are and how best to plan your life in accordance with those values.

If you are always taking action that is inconsistent with your values, you will be suffering.  It will feel like you are swimming against the current and getting nowhere.   Moreover, the values which you have may change as you enter into different phases of your life.  There’s nothing wrong with this, and it could even be argued as a healthy trend to have your values and priorities change over the course of your life.  The key to living a fulfilled life may lie in a simple solution of engaging the right people to help you along your path.  Destiny Research Institute may be able to offer some solutions that are right for your situation.  Give them a call.  You’ll never know until you try.

Judy Wong

Writer, Speaker and Lifestyle Coach

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by brightsand

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TO SPEND ON EMPLOYEE TRAINING?

Data from Training Magazine’s Annual Training Industry Report.  Small business is defined as having between 100 and 1,000 employees.

Spending on employee learning continued to be strong in 2017, according to the Association for Talent Development’s 2018 State of the Industry report, which is sponsored by American Management Association International and LinkedIn Learning.  A diverse group of 399 organizations provided data on their learning programs.  This is the sixth year in a row that has seen an increase in direct learning expenditure.  Organizations spent USD 1,296 per employee on learning in 2017.  This represents a 1.7 % increase from 2016 when the average spend per employee was USD1,273.  The number of learning hours per employee remained healthy as well, it was 34.1 in 2017, which was the same as in 2016.

The importance of training your employees – both new and experienced – really cannot be overemphasized.

So what are the benefits?

Improved employee performance – the employee who receives the necessary training is more able to perform in their job.  The training will give the employee a greater understanding of their responsibilities within their role, and in turn, build their confidence.  This confidence will enhance their overall performance and this can only benefit the company.  Employees who are competent and on top of changing industry standards help your company hold a position as a leader and strong competitor within the industry.

Improved employee satisfaction and morale – the investment in training that a company makes shows employees that they are valued.  The training creates a supportive workplace. Employees may gain access to the training they wouldn’t have otherwise known about or sought out themselves.  Employees who feel appreciated and challenged through training opportunities may feel more satisfaction toward their jobs.

Addressing weaknesses – Most employees will have some weaknesses in their workplace skills.  A training program allows you to strengthen those skills that each employee needs to improve. A development program brings all employees to a higher level so they all have similar skills and knowledge.  This helps reduce any weak links within the company who rely heavily on others to complete basic work tasks.

Consistency – A robust training and development program ensures that employees have a consistent experience and background knowledge.  The consistency is particularly relevant for the company’s basic policies and procedures.  All employees need to be aware of the expectations and
procedures within the company.  Increased efficiencies in processes result in financial gain for the company.

Increased productivity and adherence to quality standards – Productivity usually increases when a company implements training courses.  Increased efficiency in processes will ensure project success which in turn will improve the company turnover and potential market share.

Increased innovation in new strategies and products – Ongoing training and upskilling of the workforce can encourage creativity.  New ideas can be formed as a direct result of training and development.

Reduced employee turnover – staff are more likely to feel valued if they are invested in and therefore, less likely to change employers.  Training and development are seen as additional company benefits.  Recruitment costs, therefore, go down due to staff retention.

Enhances company reputation and profile – Having a strong and successful training strategy helps to develop your employer brand and make your company a prime consideration for graduates and mid-career changes.  Training also makes a company more attractive to potential new recruits who seek to improve their skills and the opportunities associated with those new skills.

“We do not remember days, we remember Moments”

Destiny Research Institute (“DRI”) is dedicated to providing leadership and relationship coaching to people of influence, from key public figures to the intelligentsia, and from market makers to entrepreneurs.  We understand people and what inspires and motivates them.  We desire to engage you, understand your needs, and ultimately drive you towards sustainable success.  We love to share our story and experience and make a lot of “Magic Moments” with you.

People with unique needs, people with unique attitudes, people with unique identities, and people with unique motivations.  We provide several modules for your different needs.  Please click HERE to learn more about our Coaching Modules.

Let’s start our journey now!  Do not MISS our Special Promotion (30% special discount for our new member) until 31 October 2019.

Please call us at 852-22953868 or reply to this email to get this big offer!

The Destiny Team

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by brightsand

The Most Effective Way of SETTING OUR GOALS and the Most Efficient Way of ACHIEVING Them

As the year comes to a close, goal setting is one of the ways you can get into the next year fully prepared.  Setting goals gives you a sense of direction and helps you prioritize what’s important.  Without goals, all the motivation and zeal for the next year would be pointless if you are not clear on what you are working towards.

We commonly know that the goals we set need to be SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and time-bound).  However, apart from being SMART, our goals can be made more effective.  There is a way that we can specify our goals well enough to make them clear to us, and therefore more effective.

Objective and Key Results Model

One way to achieve this is by using the Objective and Key Results model.  This model is an effective way to help us set our goals as it specifies the objectives and the key results.  Google commonly uses this approach to goal setting and has been shown to be beneficial to the organization setting attainable goals.  OKR goals are set frequently, frequently tract, and re-evaluated frequently, usually on a quarterly basis.

Setting objectives 

The objectives show the direction of the goals.  For the organization, the objectives give the direction showing where it needs to be in the specified time.  For effective goal setting in the organization, there should be a quarterly definition of goals.

Set three to five top objectives.  These objectives should set a pace for the tactical steps you need to achieve the goals.  It’s essential that you separate attainable from aspirational goals.  Attainable goals are the kind you can achieve with your current resources and at the desired time.  Aspirational goals are the end-goals, of where you would like to be even though you cannot achieve this position in the foreseeable future.  Therefore, for goal effectiveness, set ambitious but realistic goals.

When setting goals, it’s essential that you create an environment that allows for flexibility.  The current business environment is highly dynamic and could change such that you need to adjust your goals somewhere along the year.  The flexibility of the goals is important to suit the fast-changing business environment.

Effective goals need to be exponential goals rather than incremental.  Incremental goals focus on making your current goals better.  Exponential goals focus on making something different. Exponential goals, therefore, are more future-oriented and recognize the uncertainties in the environment.  They don’t limit themselves to the seen capabilities of the organization, but goals that can thrive in spite of the uncertainties.

Setting key results 

Key results are the milestones or things that allow the company to get there.  The milestones have to be trackable, understandable, and communicated throughout the organization.  Setting key results shows the expected results for each goal.  It helps us know how to measure goal achievement and how we shall know that we have achieved our goal.  For each objective, set 5 key results to look out for.

Each goal describes how you will achieve it and how you will measure it.

For example:

We will (objective) as measured by (three key results).

According to Google’s executives, if a key result doesn’t have a number, it is not a key result.  Further, if more than 3 key results are put for every objective, no one will remember them hence it’s important to maintain them at 3 key results.

Effective ways to achieve goals

Now that you have set your goals, what’s the most effective way of achieving them?

The essential thing is to write them down and look at them often so as to hold yourself and each other accountable.  Without writing a goal down, it is as good as a wish and it will soon be forgotten once more urgent things come to mind.  Organizations need to write goals down and communicate them throughout the organization.

Use a bullet journal to write your goals.  This simplifies them to a point of understanding them at a glance.  You don’t necessarily have to carry along the journal with you at all times, you can list them on an app on your phone so you can look at them whenever.  The more you look at them, the more they stick on your mind such that your daily activities are geared towards the overall outcome of achieving the goals.

It’s important to remember that your goals are not a task list, and you will not view them as such.  OKR goals are about adding value, and not ticking a to-do list. Remember when you look at the goals that you need to be adding value to them in your activities and not merely tick them from your list.

Research has shown that very few people, or organizations fall through on their New Year resolutions.  Remember that your goals are not resolutions.  They require regular follow-through and constant checking otherwise they will be overtaken by daily events.  This further emphasizes the importance of listing them down, in a bullet journal, somewhere you can commonly look at them.

The OKR method of goal setting is more effective especially because the goals are agile.  The goals have shorter goal cycles, allowing them to be tweaked when necessary and revised often.  On a quarterly basis, this is a short enough life cycle to revise the goals and adjust them such that they respond to the change in the environment.

Conclusively, the OKR model is effective in goal setting and achievement because it simplifies goals well enough that they are easily understood.  The goals are straight forward and goal-setting itself is a lightweight process.  Unlike what’s commonly expected in the corporate planning process, this kind of goal setting reduces the time spent setting goals from months to days.  That way, the organization can focus its time and resources not so much on setting the goals but on achieving them.

The Destiny Team

Our Destiny Mapping 2023 is a complimentary service that is about creating a comprehensive New Year's resolutions for you. You can adopt the OKR method to arrange your resolutions in an achievable and manageable manner. Click HERE for details.

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by brightsand

Solo Journey is a Choice – Single People Finding Happiness in Self Discovery

If you are fortunate enough to live in a city like Hong Kong, then you know that it is the home of the brave.  With hard work and dedication, you can reach many achievements and find success in your efforts.

However, working late nights and sometimes weekends can have a damaging impact on the love life of many city dwellers.

Hongkongers are increasingly finding it difficult to find love amid long office hours and a very busy schedule.  More so the rising popularity and usage of dating apps like Tinder and Coffee meets bagel mean that people have reduced the quality of effort put into building meaningful relationships.  After all, the next best thing is just one swipe away.

The statistics shed a better light on the situation of things concerning love and relationships: in 1986, the median age women wed was 25, while men were 28.  But in 2016 women were 29 and men 31.  This indicates that not only are more people living single lives, but the average age of marriage is also increasing.

Combining this piece of information with a worsening gender imbalance in the city paints a more torrid picture: the male-female ratio is now down to 852 men for every 1,000 women, particularly in the 20-39 age group.

It is also becoming more likely that some people in hong kong will either take much longer to get married or never tie the knot at all.  The Women and Men in Hong Kong Key Statistics 2017 report stated that people older than 15 who have never married increased by 61% for women and 14% for men.

The grim realities of singlehood often cast a dreary shadow on the personalities of those affected.  It is very easy to allow the feeling of emptiness to affect your interaction with those around you.  Some people have been known to become very irritable as a result of countless hours of feeling unloved and inadequate, consequently, they project their frustrations on everyone around them: colleagues, friends, and family relatives which makes them even more undesirable.

Successful people have also been known to struggle with attracting romantic relationships.  This is simply because successful people approach forming relationships the same way they would approach achieving a target, more often than not this will end up in frustration as relationships are built by learning how to connect with others rather than trying to prove to the other person that you are ‘up to the task’ of dating them.

Our advice?  Take a chill pill…

While it is an awesome feeling to have someone to call your own, relationships aren’t exactly a piece of heaven.  They require a lot of time and effort to nurture and can be terribly inconvenient sometimes.  A clear majority of people who feel miserable because they are single do so because they think they are missing out on something.  It’s the feeling of losing out that makes you think there’s something wrong.

Sometimes being single might just be the best thing for you right now, and if you don’t think so, consider the massive failure rate of marriages worldwide.  50% of marriages are destined to end in divorce, and a good portion of those who stay married do so for reasons ranging from religious beliefs or financial conditions to hanging on for the sake of their children.  That being said, finding love and being in a meaningful relationship can be one of the most fulfilling experiences you could have.  What is most important is being in the right space, mentally and emotionally to take on a journey that could lead to remarkable self-discoveries and experiences.

If being hooked up with someone is a way to find out new things about yourself, then surely being single is the holy grail of self-discovery.  Singlehood is not entirely a bad thing when you look at it from the right perspective, as humans we are naturally engineered as social beings, therefore it is normal that we will gravitate towards other people and build different levels of relationships over time.  So there’s no reason to get worked up because you are not attracting the kind of people that you want.  Rather take the time to maximize the opportunities that being single presents you to explore your true essence to the fullest.

Now that you are not laden with the burden of expectations from a partner, you have the opportunity to fully explore the world through your own lens, and in the process arrive at finding yourself.  It is only when you achieve this that you can identify a potential match in others.  Take this time alone to indulge in wanton wanderlust and explore all the magic that is in you!

It’s Valentines’ day in a week, and all the radio channels and TV stations are soon to be bombarding you with all kinds of shindigs for the lovebirds in town and you are about to sit on your couch with watery eyes feeling like your life is such roadkill.

Well, you will not!

What you are going to do, is book a spar treat in a fancy resort for one and enjoy the ‘lovers’ day loving and treating yourself to things that please your senses.  Who knows? You just might meet someone interesting and strike up an enjoyable conversation that could lead to a wild romance or even better, a deeply sensual connection.  Bottom line is, keep your mind open, people have been known to find love in the most unlikely circumstances.

One other positive that comes with being single is the fact that you can stay in touch with many of your friends and even build beneficial friendships.  Relationships can be a slippery slope sometimes in the sense that if you end up dating an insecure or needy person, there is a tendency that he or she will always want your attention.  And there’s nothing more tumultuous than trying to keep attention-seeking lovers happy and staying connected with friends at the same time.  In most cases, one has to give.

So, before you find yourself in such murky waters, why not take advantage of your current single status to mingle with as many contacts as you can and build a network of friends that can be beneficial to you sometime in the future?

Finding love can be akin to catching a bird: you never get a hold of it by chasing, you must make yourself attractive to it, then it will walk right into your hands, the same is true with love.  If you really want to get hooked with your crush, you will not get them by appearing needy or being too forward.  You need to inspire curiosity, to be interesting, to make the other person want to know more about you, and this cannot happen until you know more about yourself.

So you see, you’re being single is not such a terrible thing, this is your golden opportunity to pursue self-discovery, to understand yourself so that you can share the magic that is in you with that special other people.

Happy Valentine!

The Destiny Team

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by brightsand

5 Easy and Quick ways from Yale University to make our life goes with well-being!

Recently our Destiny team took a course, namely, the Science of Well-being organized by the Yale University.

This course was taught by Professor Laurie Santos and was opened to the worldwide public during the pandemic period since the month of March.

It also based on scientific findings which helps us to incorporate specific wellness activities into our life.

We found that the mindsets and skillsets that were taught in the course are so practical and believed that they are beneficial to our community members.

And this is the reason we are writing this blog and wish you will get something from it.

5 Aspects to improve our well-being

https://www.youtube.com/embed/slJ6n0frh2w

1. Kindness

Kindness means a simple act of doing something nice to others.  After we do this, we will come with a lot of positive benefits:

• Increase our mood
• Increase our feeling on social connection

How to practice kindness?

We just simply need to do some nice stuff for people.  Try to act kindly to others once per day like giving a seat to someone in need in public transportation, doing volunteer work in the community, giving colleagues or friends a compliment, and the like.

To make it bigger, try to extend the act of kindness to anywhere and anybody.  No matter it is a small peanut thing, just do it.

You may enjoy a feeling of content and love after you do every act of kindness.

2. Social Connection

Social connection is the experience of feeling close and connected to others.

Why do we have to be socially connected?  It is simply because it can make us feel happier.

How to do that?

First of all, try to make a new social connection by reaching out to a stranger.  We can do it in a coffee shop or on a train.

This activity can significantly increase our positive mood throughout the day.

Secondly, try to start a conversation with our friend or someone we have not seen for a while.

Do the above and make it our daily habit, we will be much happier than we expect.

3. Time Affluence

There are quite a lot of things that can make us feel happy, not only wealth or assets.

Time affluence is to make us realize that what we want to do with our time is not doing all the stuff we need to do to earn money. 

We can just have fun and interact with others. 

We can also feel open to doing lots of things and we will naturally sort of fill it with social connections. 

How to do that?

Build an urgent/non-urgent and important/non-important matrix, follow the combination and act on it.

You can also create a Rapid Planning Methods to list out our goals and actions plan.

4. Mind Control

It means to control our mind and to stop it from being all over the place, all of the time. 

Do you notice that we are used to wandering around every moment?  

Neuroscientists found that there are around 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts that come out from our minds every day.

In this way, we will accumulate many undone decisions and things.

It is time to get back the control of thinking what and not thinking what.

How to practice?

We introduce a 9 mins morning priming to help us to master our mind from being wandering or overthinking:

• First 3 mins: think about what we could be grateful and what we will be excited today
• Second 3 mins: think to send out our love to the people around (family, company, community, etc.) today
• Last 3 mins: think about what are the 3 most important things to do today

After doing the priming, you will feel you can control your mind all through the day.

5. Healthy Practices

We all know healthy practices help us to get a healthy body and mind.

The sad thing is we know that but we seldom do that regularly.

No matter you want to start from today, tomorrow, the coming weekend, or next week, please do remember to follow the below routine:

• Exercise 3 times for a 30 mins a week
• Good sleep for about 7 hours every nigh

It is simply EASY and SIMPLE!

Exercise can boost not just our mental health well-being but also our brain function and cognitive function with it. 

While the loss of sleep makes us hungrier and likely to eat more later, more likely to have an accident during the day, a growing down the immune system, losing brain tissue causing memory problems, and so forth.

We hope you will find this piece of blog useful in bringing you some insights to improve your well-being.

The Destiny Team

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by brightsand

How to Reduce Conflict Among Couples During the Pandemic

The COVID-19 pandemic has required couples to spend an extended amount of time together and rely more on each other for support. During this period, couples are faced with the challenge of having to adjust to the new social, economic, and financial changes that come with the pandemic. It is not surprising that there has now been an increase in unresolved conflicts among couples.

Recent studies have shown that there has been an increase in the number of cases of domestic abuse and conflicts reported since the pandemic started, as many people are trapped at home with their abuser; this does not necessarily indicate an increase in the number of victims, but perhaps an increase in the severity of abuse being experienced or the lack of available coping mechanisms.

There has also been an increase in the demand for mental health services during the pandemic due to the impact of COVID, as a lot of people have to deal with job loss, bereavement, isolation, or having to deal with the illness themselves. Many people are facing increased levels of alcohol and drug use, insomnia, and anxiety.

Conflicts and arguments among couples can lead to mental stress which increases risks of physical illnesses such as headaches, insomnia, fertility problems, and a weaker immune system that leaves you vulnerable to infections.

While we protect our physical health by wearing face masks, self-isolating, and maintaining good hygiene practices during the pandemic, mental health should equally be protected.

There is no question that our state of mind can dictate how quickly we can recover from a physical illness, so while it is almost impossible not to have an argument in a relationship, it is important to remember that quick conflict resolutions after arguments help our mental health which directly has a positive impact of our physical health.

Here are great tips on how to resolve conflict quickly:

1.  Talk about how we feel without blaming our partner

Honesty and transparency are very crucial components in every relationship, it is important to open up about how we genuinely feel about the situation. It’s easier to communicate in a cool and calm manner even when angry. We should avoid making generalizations about our partner, avoid statements like “you never help the kids with their school work” or “you never help with the chores any more” these statements are very likely to make our partner defensive and are likely to lead our partner to start generating counterexamples of the times that they were, in fact, helpful.

Instead, talk to them calmly, appreciate the work they have put in, and talk to them about ways they can help better.

2.  Listen to our partner

It’s important we allow our partners to express how they feel about the situation, avoid interrupting them,  that way they feel we genuinely care about resolving the conflict. Ensure eye contact. Listen actively and keep an open mind.  Ask them questions for clarity. Confronting our spouse with grace and tactfulness requires patience, wisdom, and humility. Check the circumstances, this includes location and timing. Do not confront our spouse when they’re busy with the kids or in public.

3.  Body language

Body language goes a long way to tell how we really feel about a situation. Contemptuous remarks will belittle our partner, this can involve sarcasm or using abusive words. It can also include non-verbal behavior like eyes-rolling, pointing fingers, smirking, or walking out on our partner. These behaviors will further aggravate the situation and the situation will not be easily resolved. Instead, be approachable, even if we are visibly upset, and ensure we have a calm demeanor.

4.  Engage in activities

Many countries are still in lockdown which makes it increasingly difficult for couples to engage in fun activities outside their homes. The boredom that comes with the lockdown can cause increased hostility, anger, and irritability.  There are a lot of ways to enjoy each other’s company indoors and relieve stress. Such activities include movie nights, playing board games, video games, listening to music, cooking together, and doing exercises. We can also take a walk and enjoy the viewing scenes of nature, this is a very good stress reliever. We could make a list of projects that we would like to work on and start checking things off the list, one by one.  We can also work on redecorating the home, this is a great way to get even closer.

5.  Appreciate one another

Remember the pandemic affects everyone differently so it is important to understand that our partner might cope with the stress that comes with the pandemic differently than you do. It is essential that we show how much we value one another by acknowledging their efforts. We can show this by getting them a gift or simply writing a note and leaving it somewhere you know they would find.

In short, a healthy and long-lasting relationship is a combination of love, care, and concerns.  The COVID epidemic will end one day.  If a relationship is not handled well, it may end up like an epidemic one day.  We can talk to our friends for emotional release and support, on one hand, we can also consult a professional to solve the problem from the source on the other hand.

What kind of “vaccine” is the best for us?

The Destiny Team

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by brightsand